I have this lady who works with me. Every time she makes a mistake she yells at herself, "Oh, you are such an idiot, you are so stupid". It comes out of nowhere this exclamation of self loathing. This aggressive self talk. It shocks me to the core. She is far from stupid or incapable yet she talks to herself with such intense hatred.
I think the thing that shocks me the most is the fact that I do this in my mind too. "Oh Shannon, you are so annoying." "Shannon, nobody cares about that" "Don't post blogs, it clutters people's feeds"
"You look really gross today, look at those bags under your eyes"
"Your bum is way to big for those pants"
I could go on and on.
Note:This is one of these posts where I talk about something private and vulnerable in the hope that people can connect and recognise their own negative thoughts and mind patterns. This is for people who appear confident but are locked inside of their mind with fear, self doubt and insecurity. This is not really about me but about you.
I have a friend who can't plan anything exciting without thinking of the worst case scenarios every time. She is trapped inside her own neurosis of fear and dread for the future. Yet if you met her you would think she is the boldest person you know. She has skills coming out of every pore of her being. Her fear keeps her grounded when she has the strength and ability to fly higher then most people.
I have another friend who lives her life feeling misunderstood. She she feels like her personality is annoying, she feels like she comes across as bossy or controlling yet she only wants to convey the love and passion she feels for what she does. She feels like she has the defend and explain everything she does. She doesn't participate in some things because it is easier to not be involved then to be misunderstood.
I have a friend who feels like she is always the ugliest one in her group of friends. As a beautiful single girl she has made herself unapproachable to guys because she can't believe for a second that they would want talk to her. She ignores them before they ignore her. Her fear of rejection ensures she rejects first. She has missed out on so many life experiences because she can't see who she truly is.
These three girls are the only thing standing in their way of becoming all that God called them to become. From having ALL that God called them to have. Their mind is holding them back from the magnificent ways their lives could be.
I was reminded by what my housemate spoke to me about yesterday. The scripture she is living on at the moment is this scripture.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Philippians 4:8 NIV
The opposite of doing this looks like the following
"Finally, bothers and sisters, whatever is a lie, whatever is low, whatever is wrong, what ever is contaminated, whatever is ugly, whatever is disgusting- if anything is poor quality or gossip worthy - think about such things."
My gosh, how confronting when you think of it in this way? How terrible to have our mind filled with such disgusting things? We would not wish this on anyone. How could anyone have anything positive be made from such thoughts?
How do we focus on what is good?
1. Capture your thoughts.
"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5
Thoughts are not supposed to live free range in your head. They are not supported by RSPCA.
When you are at work or studying you control your mind to keep focused on the task at hand. If you allowed your thoughts to run free you probably wouldn't have a job for long. You certainly wouldn't be able to pass an exam. Don't believe the lie that because you think it, it is true.
To make your thoughts obedient to Christ means, in my opinion, to think about yourself and others the way Christ would think about them.
What would Christ say about you? Probably not "what a stupid loser, I bet everybody is noticing your giant pimple today"
2. Don't listen to the accuser.
The devil is referred to in scripture as the accuser, the slanderer, the father of lies, the murderer, the deceiver, the adversary among other things.
“Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: “Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Messiah. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony;"
Revelation 12:10-11 NIV
How do you know if your thoughts are yours or being deposited by the accuser? For me I think about my thought patterns. Is this something that I think about often or is it a sudden and ferocious thought? Can I control it or does it continue to hound me? When I feel like it's a spiritual attack I get help. I ask someone to pray with me. I ask for "the blood of the lamb" this is fancy words for asking Jesus to intervene.
I also overcome it by the "word of my testimony" this basically means I declare out loud what God has done for me, I declare that he has not let me down yet and that he will continue to look after me. I
Remind myself of all the good things that God has done.
3. Surround yourself with people who are kind to you
There are times when you need your people to remind you what is real and what is not. Some friends will tell you only kind things, others will tell you only your bad qualities. Keep the first one, ditch the second (I mean, really are they actually a friend) and find a third kind.
The best kind of friend is the sort that knows when to be kind and when to be honest, how to be honestly kind (genuine) and kindly honest (real).
Hold on to people who build you up. I used to have a friend who was great fun and certainly liked me well enough to spend time with me. She, however, was so brutally honest with her version of the truth about me that it started to become a very negative influence in my life. I would drive home after hanging with her and cry. While the hangs were fun, the underlying comments were not. For years I didn't realise the root cause of feeling so low after hanging with her. Great friends make you feel better about yourself when you leave them. They find your gold and celebrate it.
I have another friend that I called the other day. I was talking to her about something I was deciding that wasn't sitting right with me in the gut. "Is it because I'm sensing that this is wrong for me?" I asked.
She listened, she asked more questions and then she gave me her opinion on the matter.
"Shannon," she said, "this is your fear talking. The decision isn't wrong but your fear is telling you it is. You need to be brave and heart racing, feeling sick to the stomach, do it anyway"
She was kindly honest. She pointed out what I needed without hurting me or pulling me down. I left the conversation wanting to put my boxing gloves on and fight.
The other day at church I was given a vision of a girl sitting huddled in the corner of a prison cell. In rags she sat, huddled and clothed in fear and hatred. Then God showed me that the door to her cell was open. If she could only stand up and walk towards the door she could have her freedom.
"But God," I whispered. "How does she stand up, how do we stand up? I can see the open door, how do I walk through it?"
"You are free" he whispered. "Get up and walk out the door. The only thing stopping you is you."
Shannon
Xxx
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